Yesterday night I finally decided to reverse out of my cut and then start lean bulking again - not cuz I couldn't handle cutting, but because I felt it was a wiser move.
6 weeks ago when I made up my mind to officially begin to cut; I knew it was because I wanted to get rid of the "chunkiness" that I was beginning to feel, and not because I thought I was ready.
Now nearly 5 weeks in, I know I don't have the amount of muscles I want to have yet and that when April comes and my cut reaches an end, I won't be entirely happy with how I'll look.
My goals are simply not in line with my plans to cut yet.
Before cutting, I had only begun tampering with weights and bulked for ~4 months. The first 2 months were a lot of newbie-tampering-with-equipment filled situations....and I feel that I did not challenge myself enough for I was cowardly and did not train to failure a lot of the time.
I have a endomorphic-mesomorphic body composition.
I have a fairly slim frame but I store a lot of my fat at my lower tummy area, my arms and my thighs. I find it hard to lose fat but the amount of muscle (not much but enough to empower me hahaha) I gained in the 4 months really makes me proud.
I've been putting a lot of thought into this process.
I feel that I am not ready to do a cut just yet. I want to build muscle that can be seen when I cut. I want to have something I am 100% sure of before I attempt to do anything else. I also feel that the past 4 months of lean bulking i did hadn't really been that great because I didn't eat nutrient-dense foods and utilize my extra carbs efficiently.
Life is a series of trials and errors, I don't lament for the "wasted time". No time is wasted if it made you learn and grow.
Also, since this year is my A'levels i feel that doing this unrestrictive "lean bulking" will keep my cravings at bay/emotions in check/mental stability and shave away the amounting stress that will be coming my way.
I will be lean bulking till the end of December 2016; nearly 10 months to gain, and this time I'm gonna do it right.
I have new goals set and plans laid afresh in my mind and heart.
I do not have a deadline to meet, nor competitions or photoshoots to prep for at the moment. And if you do not have one either, why should you rush? Take your time. Enjoy the process, do it for your passion.
I am, however, a little bit afraid of bulking because it is often associated with unwanted fat gain (but this time I will be keeping it at a minimal) and people who do not lift commenting about how my body composition has changed. But who cares? I do what I gotta do. We do what we gotta do. :)
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19 February
Just shortly after I saved the above draft - I fell ill and was attacked by bouts of recurring fevers. The fevers hit me in the early mornings, afternoons, and the evenings; only to be dissipated by 2 tiny blue tablets I swallow with swigs of water.
I ate so many paracetamols the past 5 days I am actually worried about the said myths of eating that many. But anyway! I went to the hospital this afternoon to take a blood and urine test and the doctor told me that my blood count and pee looked good and that it's just a viral infection that caused the chronic fevers.
I'm taking a full week off from the gym and only going back in on Monday when the new week starts. It's very important to take time off when your body needs the rest. Don't train when you are unwell because your body can backfire on you and turn catabolic.
I am really excited as I've decided on a progressive overload training programme and lots of carbs!! Time to make some GAINS!
Chris x
- ps.. here is an anigif of the man I love the most.
