27/7

Today I turn seventeen. 

Today I start afresh.

Today I am a whole new being.

Today I will choose to be better.

I am now in raw, sentient form. 

Unraveling.

These past 2 weeks have been the roughest part of my life. 

I have experienced hatred so strong the taste of freshkill upon my lips could've been real.

Bang, one deadly cruel bullet and xxx would've been dead.
But we cannot be savages here.

I have experienced heartbreak so coldly brutal no one would've thought passion once curled in its depths.

We were everything.

We are nothing.
You are my everything.

I have lost many things.

Some taken.

Some I let go.

Some... that let me go.

I believe my brain will play its silly games and tricks with me every night from today. 

Or maybe it has already been doing it for awhile and I am already so used to its regular revisits that I am oblivious.

I believe sometimes the darker devils will sneak out to play and pay their disrespects.

I believe sometimes I will believe maybe there is no point to all of this anymore.

But I believe these thoughts hit everyone when they are in their lowest moments -

when they believe they are in a endless black hole where they are screaming but no one cares to hear.

I am not the only one going through this fucking hell hole,
we are all in this fucking hell hole.

They always tell you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and to wait for that spark of light to find you.

But I don't want to wait to be OK.

I want to be OK by myself, from tomorrow onwards.

I am picking myself back up.

 Reminders and/or important tasks:

1. Get at least 7 hours of sleep every night (turn in before 11pm)
2. Wake up early on weekends
3. Eat more of "real/caveman food" 
4. Complete BBG! (carry on with week 4, you can do it!)
5. Stay ahead of your datelines
6. Stop peeling your nails 
7. Eat more and gain back #BUTTFATS
8. Save up

Highly proactive people do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. 

Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice; 

based on values, 

rather than a product of their conditions; 

based on feelings.

Do it for yourself,

because in the end... whose life is it?

Chris x