Early thoughts.

Things, as things do, change. People, as people do, get tired and walk away. People don't change overnight or get sick of you just like that. It takes time, bit by bit they discover you're not as great as they thought you were. Step by step they realize they'd rather live without you.
During cruel times when God throws you a test: you'd decide you want to live the rest of your life with somebody, but then they'd wake up and realize that you're not the star they want to crash into. Take a deep breath and chart a new trajectory. Learn to get up from the table when love is no longer being served.

I have been a realist for the longest time ever. If someone didn't love me anymore I would simply pack my things and leave the place. I believed not to stay when one was unwelcome. I was undeterred with my actions, I thought I was a stone-heart strong warrior.
But not everyone stays rock hard against a grinding whirlwind for long. Rocks, as rocks do, lose their edge from constant rubbing, friction and break down from other outsiders like sand particles and wind. People, as people do, get tired and hide away when they've been hurt enough. 

I wish I didn't have to say this but it is heartbreaking when you know people you love don't care as much as they used to. It hurts twice as much when you know they're this way only because of the unappreciative way you treat them. It feels like a collapse of a great nebula star, or like how your past lovers reached their hands into you to rip out your soul. 
You know when people you're close to change even the littlest bit you would realize? Like when you've been having talks with your closest friend and she used to look you in the eye and be fully present but now she just zones out and nods her head to whatever you say - because  that's when you know things are different. That's when you start to wonder if she's having a bad day or maybe things are just no longer the same.

I am so afraid of you and the way you make my heart cave. I know that there will come a day, a horrible ungodly day when I will have to live without you. When this day comes I will have to survive without the way you hold me spellbound and the constant way you enchant me with your smile and leave me grasping reality. I would rather force myself into an eternal corner of solitude than fall in love and be left behind in my darkness. I do not want to map the blueprints of our demise, or even think of how tragically love stories end. Do I wish to hate you then? No, I don't think hate is feasible when my feelings for you are so undulating and formless.

Feeling reeeally hungry now, I'll catch up with you guys some other time :)

x x x