Not everyone is going to understand my path, my choices, nor the decisions that I make. Everyone's goal in life is different. Some people want to be slim, some are happy skinny, some want to be muscular. Some would rather work for something they're not passionate about just for the money, and others wouldn't mind doing something that has low pay but derives high satisfaction. It's life. It's being human to yearn for different things. Respect people's choices.
This will probably be the first and last time I'm addressing this, because after this I will try to put it behind me. I am not just writing this for myself, but also for a lot of other people that will inevitably face the same prejudice, judgments, discouragements and setbacks that I do as they grow older and discover their own paths. I want to let out this message to the (small) masses, no matter how tiny and insignificant the ripple, that one cannot sink if one is a steel ship.
I am not here to feign detachment saying that "I do not care what people say behind my back", because if I didn't I wouldn't be writing this. I do care, but I don't care so much that I cry and blame myself and go into a hole for a couple days— I just care enough to clear this out in a blog post because I get myself across clearest through my words.
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I began tampering with weights not to please anybody. Not to have a big ass because I wanted boys to like me Nor because I wanted to fake 'fit' on social media attracting attention. I began tampering with weights for myself, because I didn't like who I was anymore. I am subtly and under-the-covers a big advocate of self love, so I know with all my heart that this is something that I am doing for myself.
I love this life. I love training, lifting weights, seeing my hard work materialize into real life physical changes. People I love the most have passed their judgments on my lifestyle, and I have eventually learnt to outgrow their mental traps and stop taking their words completely to heart. I understand, at least to a (small) extent how the human psyche works. People pass judgments on things they do not understand.
It's completely okay if you prefer a slimmer and less muscular frame on a girl, it's also completely okay if you think girls with biceps look too manly or that men who are 'too big' for your comfort don't look good. It's your opinion, feel free to feel and think so. I don't judge you, all I believe in is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that what is unsightly to you is beautiful to someone else.
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Whatever prejudice and judgments that there is out there in the real and virtual world, I will only take it to push myself a little further. These words will only serve to drive me forward, at times backward, but ultimately I will always take and mold them into words that will give me the fire to carry on. Words that set me back are only obstacles that I must overcome, never something that will kill me.
After 18 years, whatever has tried to kill me has failed.
After ___ years of your life, you have continued to be alive till this day as well.
My mother always told me that as long as I helped myself, God would always be there with me to ensure that I'll go on strong.
... so strong I will go.
